i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
