The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
