I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
