Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
