whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
