he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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