An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
