I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
