Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
