dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
