Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
