I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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