ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
