I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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