On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
