guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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