it wasn't lemon gatorade
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
