Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
