That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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