..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
