Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
