I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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