I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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