had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
