i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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