I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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