Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
