This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
