I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
