She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
