get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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