would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
