Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
