You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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