and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
