get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
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I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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