it was like eating out sand paper
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
