Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
