i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
