I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
