just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
