wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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