he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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