Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
