I hate your face
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
