So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
