marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
