And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
