So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
