i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
