C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
