It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
