My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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