I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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