Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
