wakey wakey hands off snakey
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's like iHOP with fire
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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