big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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