She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
