i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
