do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
