The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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