im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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