we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
