dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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