ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
