the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
