she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
