Cold hands, warm shart.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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