is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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