I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
