Me too!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
