Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
